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Vice Admiral Purcheezie

This brave woman, who is at least eighty years old, is captain of the Success Story and a legend in the polar regions of Asiatic Russia. Vice Admiral Purcheezie is the great-great-granddaughter of Nils A.E. Nordenskjold, the first to complete the Northeast Passage from Europe to Asia via the frigid polar seas. In honor of his accomplishment, the King of Norway gave Nordenskjold and his heirs the hereditary title of Vice Admiral. Purcheezie wears her title with great pride, although only her mother and father (both long deceased) knew what her first name was. Those fools who have learned this secret, and address the Vice Admiral by her first name, have all ended up dead.

Purcheezie is a tall woman with a thin, sunburned face and three missing limbs (her left arm, her left leg and the index finger of her right hand). She has a creaky voice, much like an un-oiled door hinge, and her eyes are hooded like a hawk’s. Her knowledge of the far northern seas is rivaled only by her storytelling abilities and her ability to smuggle all manner of items. She can fight and curse and navigate better than any sailor, although her secret soft spot is romance novels, preferably set on the high seas. She likes to carry a loaded revolver in each of her boots. Once, one of them was triggered accidentally, and it blew off her big toe. This, as it turns out, hardly matters because the Vice Admiral ended up losing that entire leg in a battle that she had with a killer whale. Although she paid a heavy price for that battle, the whale ended up as dinner for a month.

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